It’s been six months (minus three days) since Will and I got ~*married*~! Time really flies, huh?
I think it’s easy for people to view older couples as jaded. Like once you’re a certain age, it’s easy to lose interest in your partner. Some people feel that a successful marriage doesn’t last forever. There is a Humans of New York post where the subject said, “If you talk to most people my age, and they’re really being honest, they’ll tell you that they’re dissatisfied with their partner. But then they’ll shrug their shoulders and say: ‘Where else am I going to go?’” That painted a really depressing picture of the future for me. It’s not that I disagree some people’s relationships may get exhausted over time. But to assume that the majority of marriages go downhill is super discouraging!
When I was working as a Costco vendor, though, I had the privilege of meeting some really fantastic older couples. You can really tell when two people are happy together. They have a special type of rapport that outsiders might not fully understand. There’s a way they smile and look at each other, even when talking about boring things like what type of cheese to get. Once couple started telling me about their marriage once. I had told them I was about to get married. The way they were so nostalgic and excited when looking back on their relationship was so encouraging. Even more encouraging was how joyful and content they were in the present. I could tell they were still going strong.
Not that I’m an expert or anything, but I’m sure everyone can agree that a successful marriage doesn’t follow any single specific formula. People are different. The way people communicate isn’t always the same. Circumstances change. You can’t account for it all. It’s really easy to judge what you think other people are doing wrong in their relationships, but my gosh, when it comes to YOUR relationship? It’s so easy to believe you’re always right! Your partner is wrong! And why can’t they just agree and listen and follow what you’re saying?! This goes for both men and women, by the way. Basically, everyone sucks.
My biggest takeaway from observing and chatting with other couples is that relationships should be ever-growing. If a relationship isn’t growing, then there’s no room for it to strengthen. With no room for strengthening, the foundation of a relationship becomes weak. And a weak relationship can only live for so long. Relationships are meant to be challenged, to grow, and to change for the better, but only if you let it. So, anyway, here are 3 big lessons I’ve learned so far, that I wish I’ll keep in mind in hopes of a successful marriage: